Earlier this week, a business that I was a customer of nearly killed me. (Spoiler alert: they didn't...but it was a very close call).

As far as customer service issues go, it was kind of a biggie.

As someone who trains organizations on how to create an extraordinary customer experience, I'm always interested to see how I get treated by businesses when they don't know this about me, when they see me as just another customer in their busy day. This one definitely made for an interesting case study.

I visited a vegan cafe in Wynwood, Miami, for lunch on a day trip to celebrate my birthday. As a vegan, going to Miami is always a treat because there are so many incredible vegan eateries there, and this one had been on my list to visit for a while. However, having a serious nut allergy I do need to be careful as vegan restaurants tend to use a lot of nuts in their recipes. So, while we were standing at the counter getting ready to order, I mentioned my allergy to the woman serving us. The good thing with this venue (or so I thought) was that they had their menu clearly marked up to show which items contained nuts, so the problem dishes were easy to avoid. The woman serving us pointed out a few options that we could try, and we placed our order. Cut to a few minutes later and we were sat at one of the lovely outdoor tables, tucking into three delicious items from their menu.

And then it happened.

That unmistakable tingling I get in my tongue and throat when I've eaten some nuts. At first, I thought I was imagining it. We'd checked the items carefully to ensure they were indicated as not containing nuts and we'd told the server about the allergy, so there was no way I could have been served something with nuts in, right?

Wrong.

Within a few seconds the sensation intensified and I was in no doubt - my tongue and throat were starting to swell. It was the beginning stages of anaphylaxis. The person I was dining with went inside to verify that there weren't any nuts in the dishes we were served, and was reliably informed that one of the dishes (that had not had the 'contains nuts' identifier on the menu) had pecans sprinkled over it. He came rushing back out to find me gulping down antihistamine tablets and frantically rummaging in my bag for my EpiPen.

But nobody from the restaurant came to check on me, or see if I needed anything. Nothing. Nada. Zip.

So now, not only am I angry that I have been served an item that could kill me, but that the venue I'm eating at doesn't seem to care about this fact.

At this point we still didn't know how bad the reaction was going to be. I'd caught it early and had only had a mouthful or two of the offending item, but at this point in an allergic reaction it is always a waiting game. Do I need an ambulance? Do I need to get to a medical center? Do I need a pharmacy for more medication? Am I going to be unable to breathe soon? While waiting, I always try to consume as much chilled water as possible, first to flush my system and secondly to try and cool, and therefore help in some way, the inflammation and swelling in my throat. So, the person I was with went back into the restaurant to get me some chilled water, and, at my request, to ask that the manager come out to talk to me.

(I later found out that the manager's initial response when he notified them of the issue was to apologize and offer to comp our meal - not the priority at that point in time! - but had seemed extremely reluctant and wary to come out and see for herself what was going on or to check on my wellbeing).

When the manager finally came out, her entire approach felt lacking in a sense of urgency and understanding of how to deal with a crisis like the one in front of her. Not once did she ask if I needed a doctor or ambulance, offer to help with telling us the location of local pharmacies or medical centers, or offer me somewhere private to deal with the reaction without being subjected to the staring faces of other patrons and passing pedestrians. While she was very apologetic, her entire approach was incredibly passive and did not offer any confidence that she was going to be helpful, either in the immediate emergency or in addressing the issue afterwards. She said that she would change the menu, hold a meeting with all of the staff, and send a message to all of their group text chats. While I heard the words, the manner in which she was dealing with the situation right in front of her offered little reassurance that she would be effective in any of these endeavors, and more than anything, it wasn't what I actually needed in that moment.

I was trying to convey to her how dangerous the situation was and how what they had served me could kill me, to see if that would spur some kind of urgency in the response I was getting, but sadly not.

Not only had I needed to ask to speak to her (or any representative of the restaurant), I also had to ask for someone else to follow up with me to ensure for my own peace of mind that it was properly escalated and would be appropriately addressed, so future customers wouldn't suffer the same or worse. There wasn't even an offer to fill out an incident report given the severity of the situation. She took my information and told me that she would get her GM to send me an email to follow up. I responded thanking her but explaining how I felt completely underwhelmed with the response to the situation. I left with a refund for our meal, a couple of bottles of chilled water, a very itchy throat and wondering whether I would get to enjoy the rest of my birthday trip or whether I would be detouring to the nearest emergency room imminently.

Luckily, I'd caught the situation quickly and acted fast. I hadn't eaten much of the pecan sprinkles and I managed to get a substantial number of antihistamine tablets into my system quickly, so I was spared a trip to the emergency room on my birthday celebration. But to say that the experience left a bad taste in my mouth, both figuratively and literally, was an understatement.

A little later that day I received an email from the company's Head of Operations/General Manager that read as follows:

"Good afternoon Ms Bremel,

My name is *****, General Manager, of **** **** ****. My manager has made me aware of the incident concerning your allergy. I would like to apologize for the inconvenience, we do use nuts all across our kitchen and we do not advise guest with allergy to dine with us as we cannot prevent cross contamination. I have alert our executive Chef and we will make sure proper retraining and disciplinary action are taken. We do have a disclaimer concerning nuts or other severe allergies on display on our ordering counter but our team should have advise you to not dine with us. As a gesture of good faith we have refunded your order.

I stay at your disposal if you have any concerns."

It's never a good start when an apology email begins with spelling the customer's name wrong (especially when their email address contains said name and so is easy to check!), but with a name like mine, I'm used to it.

But the main issue I had was how thoroughly inadequate this response was at addressing what had happened.

First, it didn't acknowledge what they had done or the impact it had had on me. They focused on the fact that I should have been advised not to eat there due to cross contamination. But the issue here wasn't cross contamination, it was that they advertised a dish as not containing nuts, and then put nuts on it, even after I'd informed them of my allergy. This wasn't mentioned or addressed in this response.

Secondly, it didn't address the severity of the situation. A lethal allergy is not an 'inconvenience'. Having spent more times than I care to remember being rushed to hospital in intense pain, stuck with needles and fighting for breath, I can share from firsthand experience that even the potential of that experience coming to fruition is traumatic. And the correspondence doesn't provide any confidence that they really understood the plethora of errors that were made during my experience or that these would be rectified for future customers. No attempt was made by the GM to find out what my experience and issue was, in order to ensure it was being adequately addressed and rectified.

Thirdly, it didn't make adequate amends for their actions. Refunding someone for their order is what you do when someone finds a hair in their food. It is not an appropriate response when a restaurant serves a customer a dish containing an allergen after they have already been notified about their allergy.

Now, I don't necessarily hold the individuals I dealt with responsible for how they handled the situation, because they obviously haven't had effective training on how to deal with a crisis situation and a customer experience like the one I had. But it did act as another stark reminder as to how woefully lacking our customer service training and support is in so many organizations.

Needless to say, a brush with death wasn't my ideal way to spend my birthday celebration. But more than the issue itself, what really bothered me about my experience was how the incident was handled.

One of the things that I tell my clients is that a poor customer service experience is always an opportunity to build an extraordinary customer relationship, IF it is handled well.

Unfortunately, few companies actually know how to do this, which is a real shame, because it really isn't that difficult when you understand what customer service really is.

Customer service is simply taking care of the needs of your customers...but in order to do that, you need to first understand (1) what their needs are, (2) what needs are your responsibility in the context of the business-customer relationship and (3) what needs are not your responsibility, but that you could still choose to meet to go above and beyond in terms of the experience that they have with you.

When you are dealing with a customer service incident that has compromised a customer's needs, it's important to identify which needs have been negatively impacted and do what you can to address THOSE needs in how you approach addressing the situation and making amends.

There are 5 different levels of customer service:

1. Damaging customer service - Severely or repeatedly compromising or negatively impacting your customer’s needs.
2. Bad customer service - Failing to do the minimum to meet your customer’s needs in the context of the transaction between you.
3. Basic Customer Service - Doing the minimum to meet your customer's needs (bare minimum) in the context of the transaction between you.
4. Good Customer Service - Meeting your customer's needs WELL within the context of the transaction between you.
5. Extraordinary customer service - is about meeting your customer's needs WAY BEYOND EXPECTATIONS or meeting needs that weren’t a part of the initial transaction between you.

And in addition to this, it’s important to be aware of the three key elements of creating a good customer experience:

1. Understanding what your customers' needs are in the context of the business relationship and putting in place a strategy to consistently meet them above expectations. This is one of the elements of creating extraordinary customer service and is the foundational building block of any customer experience strategy.
2. Understanding what your customers' needs are that are NOT part of the expectations of the business relationship, but are things that you can do to create an 'above and beyond' experience. So often there are some very easy 'quick wins' here that don't take a lot of time, energy or effort, but really impact the customer experience in a positive way because they are not expected. The fact that they are not expected is what makes these so powerful and a valuable element in creating extraordinary customer service.
3. Having a strategy to turn mistakes and challenges into customer experience opportunities.

My experience with this cafe was a combination of Damaging Customer Service (the initial experience of being served a dish containing an allergen they knew I was allergic to, that was potentially life-threatening) and Bad Customer Service (in how it was handled by the two employees I dealt with).

The thing is, most companies believe that good customer service is about being perfect. Nothing could be further from the truth. We're all human, we all make mistakes. AND as I mentioned above, the great thing about making a mistake with a customer is that it provides an opportunity to create a customer service experience that takes them from a frustrated customer who will tell everyone to avoid you into a delighted fan who will tell everyone how amazing you are. When you understand the situation fully, what needs have been compromised, how to meet those needs in making amends for what has happened and how to go above and beyond in repairing the customer's trust in your business, you can end up with a better customer relationship than you would have had if the incident had never taken place to begin with.

The mistake that most companies make is that when a mistake is made, they think that simply doing what they were meant to do in the first place is enough to rectify it. The issue with this is that it is not just about the initial mistake, the fact that you have failed to meet the expectations and needs of your customer has ALSO had an impact on them. Fixing the original problem is no longer enough, you also need to make amends for the inconvenience or impact of not doing it right in the first place. And the more the mistake has negatively impacted or failed to meet your customer’s needs, the more you need to do to repair the relationship and create a good customer service experience.

So, what do you do when you screw up with a customer?

Most organizations make the mistake of believing that when they get it wrong, that they just need to apologize. Which is sort of true. An apology is necessary, BUT an apology is not simply saying the words 'I’m sorry'. An apology is a PROCESS to acknowledge, address and make amends for the impact your actions had on another person and their needs.

Most people believe that an apology is the end of the issue, but when it's viewed this way it's often simply being used as a tool to make the person, or business, whose actions were a problem to feel better about themselves. Instead, an apology needs to be viewed as the start of repairing and rebuilding a relationship after damage has been done.

What happens after an apology either gives it meaning, or strips it of meaning. If meaningful action is taken to address, make amends and avoid repeating the issue, then the apology has meaning; the person is sorry enough to make up for what happened and to make sure it doesn't happen again. If no effort is made to make amends for what has happened and to stop it from happening again in the future, it makes any apology seem hollow and meaningless.

There are six key steps to an effective apology:

1. Act to Avert further harm - The first thing you need to do in a situation like this is damage control. Your first priority needs to be to act fast and deal with anything urgent, critical or time sensitive that needs to be addressed to avoid the situation from getting worse. For example, if someone needs medical attention or something urgently needs to be addressed to mitigate further damage. You can give a brief apology while you are focusing on this step, but as your focus at this point is preventing further harm, it is important to communicate with the customer that you are sorry for the issue they are experiencing, and you'll be happy to deal with what happened and what needs to be done to rectify it a little later, but that right now your only priority is doing what is necessary to ensure that the situation does not get any worse for them.
2. Acknowledge - The Second step is to acknowledge (1) what you did (or didn't do) and (2) the impact that it had on the other person. Note that this is not apologizing for how the other person feels, or how they have interpreted what happened, it is not explaining or justifying what you did and it is not focusing on your intention. This is ONLY about you completely owning your actions and behaviors, apologizing for what you specifically did or didn't do, and then acknowledging the ways that those actions and behaviors impacted the other person. You need to show you understand what the issue was, why it was an issue and take full responsibility for your part in that issue. You can apologize for the impact it had, but in order for this to be effective, you need to show that you actually understand exactly what impact it had on the other person and why that was a problem.
3. Address - The Third key is to address what happened, which normally involves rectifying the initial issue and making right what originally went wrong.
4. (Make) Amends - The fourth step is to make amends for the impact that the incident had on the customer. This is not about correcting the original mistake; it is about making amends for the impact to the customer of the fact that the mistake happened. The amends needs to be proportional to the negative impact to the customer's needs, so, for example, giving a discount coupon for someone to spend more money with you in the future, if you have cost them money with your mistake, is not enough to address the negative impact to the customer's needs. One of the most effective ways of doing this is to identify which of the customer's 12 Universal Needs have been impacted by your actions, and see what you can do to meet those needs in how you approach making amends.
5. Avoid repeating - The fifth step is to do whatever is necessary to avoid repeating the same situation again, and communicate to the customer what you are doing to ensure this. This includes making sure you understand every aspect that went wrong, undertaking any learning process or training necessary to do better next time, and putting things in place to ensure the same mistake will not be made again. This needs to not only happen, but be communicated to the customer; Explain what you’ve learned or how you will learn more, explain the steps you will take to ensure it won’t happen again and explain how they (or others) will experience this as a customer.
6. Ask what more can be done - The final step is to check in with the customer. You want to see how they are feeling, see if there is anything that has been missed or hasn't been understood, see if there is anything else they need, or anything else that can be done to make the situation right and to rebuild the relationship and repair the damage done. Let them tell you if there is anything else they need or want to make the situation right. A lot of companies are afraid of doing this, because they are afraid that people will ask for something that they are not willing or able to give, but asking gives you more information as to where the customer is at and how you are doing with addressing the situation. If the request is not possible or reasonable, it is ok to say to someone, "I would love to do that for you, but unfortunately we don't have the means to facilitate that right now," and then follow up with an alternative that can continue to help close the gap between where the customer relationship is and where you want it to be.
7. BONUS (Go) Above and Beyond - To take customer service from just good to extraordinary, there is a seventh, optional, bonus step that you can take. Once you have done the minimum required to effectively address the situation (steps 1-6) to really begin to repair the damage done and rebuild the customer relationship, you want to go above and beyond. Go further, offer more, meet more needs. This is what takes the customer experience to the next level and creates an entirely different quality of customer relationship. This can also look like putting an ongoing focus on rebuilding trust with your customer by continuing to cultivate the relationship through showing up consistently after the fact (checking in, providing updates, continuing to meet needs in how you deal with them in the future).

Note: In order for an apology to be effective, at no part in this process do you focus on or speak about the other person's actions and behaviors or the part that you perceive that they played in the process. While this might be important to discuss and address at some point with them (either before or after), it is not part of the apology process, and the introduction of it will undermine your apology's effectiveness.

More than twenty years ago I had a situation with a company in which they took a total disaster and performed a complete customer service about-turn simply due to how they handled it. It was so extraordinary that I still remember it vividly all these years later. When I was in my late teenage years, I decided (unwisely) to get a perm, so I booked in at a local salon and looked forward to the results. Initially, I was happy, but given that within two weeks my hair was poker straight again, I went back to speak to the salon. The owner was apologetic and arranged for it to be re-done, only this time several sections of my hair broke off a couple of inches from the root. I was devastated. I went back to the owner whose response was exemplary. He was mortified at what had happened and recognized how my trust in the salon had been decimated. He explained that the rollers must have been rolled too tight, and asked (very empathetically) whether I would allow him to make it right. Cautiously, I agreed. For the price of the original perm, I had both perms, a straightening and at least four colorings. I had more cut and blow dries than I can count...and even after that he always gave me a substantial discount. When a friend came to the salon to chat with me while I was having a coloring done, he gave her a wash and blow dry on the house. He treated me like royalty every time I walked into the salon, and I always left there feeling great. Over the years he continued to show care for me as a customer and eventually we became friends. He had rebuilt my trust as a customer and created a customer relationship that wouldn't have existed had the initial problem never happened. I recommended countless friends to visit him, and my sister even had the hair for everyone in her wedding done at the salon. I could have easily walked out of there after the initial incident and told everyone I met never to go, but due to this man's skill with customer relations I became one of his biggest advocates....and I still tell the story today (obviously).

The not-so-happy ending…

Before submitting this article for publishing, I sent it to the owners of the cafe in question to ensure that they knew about the situation and could deal with it appropriately. The primary reason I wrote this article was in the hope that things would be put in place to ensure that nobody dies or becomes seriously ill due to a repeat of the same issues that I experienced there, or at any other establishment whose leaders read this piece.

I also hoped that the company would surprise me in how they approached the situation and how effectively they would turn a customer experience disaster into a win for everyone involved, especially them and their business. My hope was that I would get to write THAT ending to this article and that they would provide me with another great case study on how to recover a damaging customer service experience well.

Unfortunately, this hope remained unfulfilled.

I got back a nicely worded email from the owners that mostly focused on explaining how difficult it has been for them as a business lately. The body of the email was 658 words long, and out of those words:

• 41 words (6%) of the email were dedicated to saying sorry it took so long to reply to me.
• 18 words (only 3%) of the email were dedicated to saying sorry for my experience. It was not an apology as described in this article, and if the owner read the piece, they appear to have learned very little, if anything, from it (exasperated sigh).
• 295 words (45%) of the email were dedicated to telling me why things have been so difficult for them lately in terms of staffing and training with the national labor crisis, and how they are a small business.
• 112 words (17%) of the email were dedicated to explaining why I as someone with a nut allergy should know that cross contamination is 'impossible to prevent' in a restaurant that contains nuts. The frustrating thing about this section of the email is that it appears to be ignoring, once again, that this was not an issue of cross contamination. If it had been, and I, as a person with a nut allergy had chosen to eat at a restaurant that used a lot of nuts in their food, then the responsibility for the incident would have been mine. What I do know, is that in my 40+ years of being allergic to nuts, and also being vegan and therefore eating in a lot of places that use a LOT of nuts (some of which have been a fraction of the size of the cafe in question), I have never had an incident of cross contamination which caused a reaction. I have only ever had an issue when I have accidentally ordered something with nuts because I didn't ask (my responsibility), or when an establishment has made an error and served me food that actually contained nuts as an ingredient (the restaurant's responsibility, and what happened in this case). So, in my experience, as someone with a severe nut allergy, cross contamination is incredibly rare. And the point that the owner appears to be missing by focusing on this in their correspondence is that they may believe that 'cross contamination is impossible to prevent' but what they seem to be missing is that NOT PUTTING NUTS ON A DISH THAT HAS BEEN INDICATED AS NOT CONTAINING NUTS is completely preventable, and completely their responsibility. The lack of taking responsibility for what actually happened, and instead focusing on cross contamination which was not in any way relevant to this incident, just causes further customer frustration because the owner is missing the point, and in doing so, not taking responsibility for the fact that this was a preventable incident.
• 53 words (8%) of the email were dedicated to telling me about how they have retrained their staff around the nut allergy situation, with another mention about how tough it is for them.
• 107 words (16%) of the email were dedicated to asking me not to name the business in the article. In this section they used the phrase, 'If you write something that damages our business' which appeared to be an interesting abdication of responsibility. What the owner doesn't appear to understand is that if someone is simply relaying facts in writing about their company (and I was sure to fact check this article with the other person who was present at the time to ensure it was accurate), then it is not the writing that will damage the business, it is the actions and behaviors of their employees.
• 17 words (3%) of the email were thanking me for giving them the opportunity to improve and that they hope I understand their struggles and can relate.
• 15 words (2%) of the email were letting me know that if there was anything more they could do, to let them know.
• 0 words (0%) of the email was dedicated to trying to make any kind of amends to me as a customer, either for the experience I'd had due to the incident that was caused by their staff (even though the owner described it as "scary and frustrating") or for the poor customer experience I'd had with the managers I dealt with subsequently.

The frustrating thing about this message is that it made, yet again, one the most common mistakes that organizations make in situations like this; It made the focus of the communication about them, their needs, their reasons, their justification, their explanation, their experience, their point of view...them, them, them. When, after a situation like the one that I experienced (in fact, in any situation where the customer's needs have not been met or have been compromised in some way), the focus needs to be predominantly on the customer; How are they feeling? What do they need? What was their experience? What can you do for them? How can you make it right with them?

While it is often helpful to have context as to the reason a mistake like this has happened, and some customers will appreciate understanding the bigger picture, when the majority of the focus and energy in a communication is about the company and not the customer, the balance is all wrong. If you are going to share this information with the customer, you need to also spend at least as much time in your communications, preferably more, on the customer, their experience, their feelings, their needs and how you can make amends with them. If you don’t do this, the communication will feel like its primary goal is to facilitate what YOU need as an organization, rather than to make things right and rebuild a relationship with your customer. Without creating this balance, it will feel like the priority is your company, not your customer, which will irreparably damage the customer relationship.

Now, I do understand that times are tough, and have been for some time, with the great resignation and the labor crisis, and I've had clients in the hospitality industry who have been struggling with staffing and training issues as a result of this. I do have compassion for small businesses that are finding things really difficult right now, and as my role as a consultant is to help businesses to grow and thrive, for that reason alone I am choosing not to name them in this piece.

But, it is also important to say that even though the owner apologized for their staff and shared that I should 'always ask for the manager' the fact is that, from my experience, neither the manager, nor the GM, nor the owner of this establishment knew how to provide good customer service in the face of an horrendous experience, even when they were sent an article providing them with step-by-step guidance on how to do it. My understanding as a consultant in this field, and compassion for how difficult it is for business owners these days, in no way invalidates or changes the fact that I am also a customer who had a traumatic experience due to the actions and behaviors of their staff. Or the fact that I am a customer who has still yet to experience even basic customer service in how the original incident, or the issues in the customer experience since then, have been handled.

All in all, my consistent experience of the customer service from this establishment has been overwhelmingly underwhelming and inadequate, which is always sad to witness, because in my role as a consultant, I always want to see and support businesses to grow, improve and thrive. There's nothing more disappointing than providing feedback and guidance to a business and to see them not using it to their full benefit. I sincerely hope that they, and others reading this, learn from this experience and do better for their customers, and by extension their business, going forward.

I used to know a restaurateur who always said, 'you're only as good as your last meal,' meaning that you could serve exceptional food to a customer for years and years, but all it takes is one bad meal and they won't come back. Customer service is very much the same; You're only as good as your last customer experience. Which means if you create a bad or damaging one, whether through intent, error or ignorance, it is vital to put some real time, energy and effort into turning that experience, and by extension the customer relationship, around.

In the age of social media with the power of the consumer, customer service has never been more important, nor a better way of creating great marketing for your business, if and when you get it right. Because these days, good customer service is rare and extraordinary customer service is virtually non-existent, which means that when customers experience it, they tend to shout it from the rooftops.

I genuinely hope that this company learns from this experience, so that the next customer issue leads to a resolution that has customers wanting to shout from the rooftops about them and their business, and not because they nearly killed them.